Carolina Montesquieu Makes an Entrance
Brooklyn is about to find out what Boston already knows.
The first time I met Carolina Montesquieu was on a rainy morning in Times Square for this shoot. An hour later, she was driving me home in her Mini Cooper, and somehow it felt like we’d been friends since high school. She’s the kind of person who can be funny and sharp, while making you feel completely at ease.
She’s new to New York, having just moved here from Boston, but there’s nothing tentative about her. Carolina is a force. Warm, quick, and already moving like someone Brooklyn is going to have to catch up to. Here she is.
What’s your favorite show you’ve ever done?
I opened for my mentor, Vladimir Camagno. I was in my bag because it was a Spanglish show with a full Dominican audience, so I could do every reference and switched back and forth from English to Spanish, and they knew exactly what I was talking about.
I came out to “Los Palos,” which has a witchcraft vibe. I went onstage and pretended like I was possessed, and they were living for it.
That was the best show ever. I did 22 minutes and murdered. I was supposed to do maybe 12, but they let me ride.
What song do you listen to when you’re getting ready to perform?
For my walkout song, I’ll usually pick Bad Bunny to let them know that a star is coming onstage. I’m humble… That’s one of my main characteristics.
Why did you start stand-up?
I mean, I’ve always been funny.
Fuck, marry, kill: summer, spring, fall.
We’re going to kill summer because I’m a sweaty little pig, so we can just kill summer and get it over with.
We’ll marry fall because I’m from New England. I’m a foliage girly.
And then we’ll fuck spring because it just makes me want to open up my pussy. The flowers are blooming, my pussy is blooming. It’s so beautiful.
What are your thoughts on crushes?
I have a crush on everyone.
A boyfriend once said that to me. He was like, “You like everyone.” Some are short-lived. Some are longer. But I do have a crush on everyone.
So if you want to kiss me, come to my house.
What are you most excited about right now?
I’m doing two dates with Ilana Glazer at the end of the month.
It’s my first real comedy experience, getting flown out to do 20 minutes and getting that theater experience in. I’m very excited.
Where do you see yourself in three years?
This summer will be my four-year anniversary doing stand-up, so the trajectory is trajectorizing. I should have a special somewhere. Paid for by somebody else that’s not me.
One Hour Photo Creative Production: Carly Kane
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